The term “Gaslighting” originates from a British play called “Gas Light” from the 1930’s and later film in 1944. The plot of the play is about a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife, making her believe that she is suffering from a mental illness by changing the power of the gas lights within their home deliberately causing the wife confusion and distress, as well as other behaviour.
Gaslighting is one of the most serious forms of psychological abuse. Gaslighting commonly occurs in intimate relationships, but can also occur, for example, in friendships and workplaces.
Gaslighting is a method of gaining control over someone else whereby the perpetrator makes their victim question and doubt their own perceptions, memory, judgement and sanity, which results in their confidence breaking down, and their dependence growing upon the perpetrator. This can lead to the victim feeling unable to leave the abusive relationship due to the reliance they have upon their abusive partner.
Gaslighting Behaviour
There are many characteristics of gaslighting behaviour which often happen together, and a few are detailed below;
- Questioning a person’s memory or version of events.
- Refusing to listen in conversations and using confusion tactics, causing the person to doubt what they are saying.
- Belittling or disregarding someone’s feelings for example suggesting someone is being too sensitive or overacting.
- Refusing to take responsibility for their actions, telling lies, blaming their behaviour upon someone else and projecting their own faults onto their victim. They may deny ever saying or doing something despite there is proof they did.
- Changing the focus or the conversations by questioning the other person’s creditability suggesting, for example, that the person is talking nonsense.
- Using negative stereotypes about a person’s race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, age, to name a few, to gaslight them such example; no one will believe you because you are a woman.
- Isolating the victim from their support network.
The above behaviour may starts slowly with a gradual build up, resulting in the victim becoming confused, doubting their self-worth and confidence, contributing or creating anxiety and depression and/or having a significant impact upon their mental health.
Helping Victims of Gaslighting
Gaslighting behaviour isn’t always easy to recognise and there are no obvious physical signs. Victims of gaslighting will often doubt themselves and no longer trust their own instincts about what is happening.
If you feel you are a victim of gaslighting and the relationship is abusive and controlling you should report it to the Police as this coercive controlling behaviour is a criminal offence.
It is a good idea to keep a diary of events, lies, behaviour which you are not comfortable with and discuss with family and friends what you are experiencing within the relationship.
Seeking legal advice can also assist victims with opening a dialogue with the perpetrator to try and break down the cycle of abuse within the relationship. If you believe you are a victim of gaslighting, please get in touch to discuss your situation in confidence with one of our domestic abuse experts.
