The International Day of Friendship is based on the recognition of the relevance and importance of friendship as an overall and valuable sentiment in everyday life.
As friends we play a central, and important, role in each other’s lives, we are there to support each other in good times and difficult times. The principle of friendship is about kindness, trust and mutual affection, caring for others, sharing life’s ups and downs and being ready to help when needed.
As family solicitors at Rayden Solicitors we often see that the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one and can be a time of great distress, upset and shock. You might feel as though your emotions are taking over your life and you don’t know who to turn to, or how to ask for help.
It can be really difficult to keep hold of any rational thoughts or to get a perspective on the situation so that you can make the best decisions for you and your family. Children in particular can be very adversely affected by family separation. Research shows that the way parents talk to children about the break up, and the way they involve them in decisions during and after separation, can affect how well they adjust. The balance between caring for your children and yourself can be especially difficult.
Particularly on the International Day of Friendship, it may be useful to remind yourself that a key component to coming through such difficult times is asking for help and getting a balance – getting a balance between caring for you and caring for your child. Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect parent and there is definitely nothing like perfection during separation. Studies have shown that being a “responsive parent” is one of the most important keys to a contented child – being responsive means that you are open to, and aware, of your child’s needs. It doesn’t mean that you always have the answer or know exactly what to do, it does mean listening, watching and communicating with your child in a flexible way, so that you are moving with the child’s changing needs.
For anyone going through difficult and stressful times, it is vital to retain a sense of balance. Imagine if everyone has a “caring quota” i.e. an amount of love, care, organising, listening to, feeding and nurturing you can give (to yourself, your child and others in your family). If the absolute you can give is 100% and let’s say during separation your child may need 100% of your care, whilst at the very same time you need to retain 100% of your own sanity and equilibrium in order to function – you do not have to be a mathematician to realise that 200% is not possible. The key to getting through this period is balance. And don’t forget your friends are there to help you too.
So particularly during this time, be easy on yourself and others. And if you know someone else is experiencing similar problems, relish your role as a friend to provide them with the care and support they might need to cope with difficult, emotional and stressful times.
At Rayden Solicitors, our aim is to make the separation and divorce process easier for you and your family. If you would like to make an appointment or have any questions about family matters please contact us.